That's the WAY!!

Beauty of silence is in the space Time is stopped Stopped all together  Sound of own beat Warmth of heart Voice within in the limitless dream Trust You'd say Trust My voice whispers  Eyes are telling Fear and awe Only if I was strong Only if I was different  Trust  Once more Trust The truth Make sound Sound of freedom Sound of joy Silence is the canvas  Creat reality  Creat your world

I remembered about my abandoned blog site while I was working on my other business website. It felt like a relief, reconnected with my freedom. I am not a big fun of social media. But I love blogs. At least, I used to. For me, blog is different from social media. Just different feeling from facebook or youtube. Blog is not about me, it's about freedom I have with my thoughts and voice.   Somehow today, I returned here.   I struggle with texts exchanges in English I feel like I am not even 10% of myself get explained in texts. But Blog, just my subjective feeling is I am here, I am expressing in the way I feel free. I don't have to worry about how people would misinterpret. I just write write and write. I don't know if there's people still read other people's blog? But why? There's enough things to read on the internet.  Enough contents, video, pics, music, etc etc.      So here's the one to my love,      I recently met a person who brought so...

There is sound in everything Snow falling in a deep dark night New green leaves of summer trees Perfect blue sky with the shining sun Stardust of a new moon night Golden field of autumn farm Full moon shines on a mirror of sea Garnet of the Orion's belt Stillness of the North star Icey mist of a winter's breath  Blossoms open in the gentle breeze Heart expands in the endless night I hear you I feel you

In the world of madness What do you see? When the day is dark  And the night is long Hope is fading and crying blood Belief is no longer the truth Trust is no longer the reality What's left within Is the light of your own What do you want to be Who do you want to be How do you want to live How do you want to die Choice is yours Choice is mine Live the life you want to live Be the one you want to be In the world of madness Where you find the truth? Comfort in routine Numbness in news Where's the laughter in the air Warmth of the Sun Sky paints blue in the green Sea breeze in the wind of gold Heart is full and moon is new Cresent in the void of truth Expansive light in blues Forever lit the desire of fruits Things that are true and just Coming back and going out Clear and vague in absolute Fade and made forever

I work as a massage therapist. I love what I do. I feel humbled by seeing how clients transformed over the year.  What I did was just seeing them once or twice a month, sometime every week giving massage treatments. And rest of the time, they worked on themselves to be better physically and psychologically. Everyone has power to change. What can I do to support them? What's the most I can do for them? Just reflecting who they are. What I see in them. I can reflect and let them see their strength to change for better, better posture, diet, life style that they want to have. Reflect and help them to see what they really want and what they can do about it. We can be locked in the world of own perception. I myself often caught in the world of my own. Not be able to believe what I can really do. What did I do differently this year? Personally, I kept meditating. I reflected. I opened up to others. I asked for help. I jumped into getting what I wanted. I got scared but pers...

When we do things from the state of mind "I Can", instantly something inside of us changes. It gives us more perspective and ideas to make things happen. How many "I can" can I  put into my words today? How can I make it happen? How can I get what I want today? It's so great to come back to work after few months of absence. There's so much to do, for my clients and for myself. How much openings I can bring to my clients today? What's the most I can do for others today? What's the most I can do to change my life for better today? It's exciting!!

worthiness Definition: noun 1.how suitable someone or something is 2.the quality of deserving respect or attention source: Cambridge Dictionary 1.The quality of being good enough; suitability   1.1 The quality of deserving attention or respect source: Oxford Dictionary When I am in crisis, question of worthiness always comes up in front of my existence. Am I worthy of existence? Am I worthy of keep existing? Am I ever be worthy of living? As long as I can remember, I have been feeling I have to earn to exist. I am not worthy of being this life. Therefore, at least, I want to make someone's life worthy, I want to make someone feel worthy of themselves. A part of that is my drama character, and another large part of that is because my brother passed away when he was 17 and I was 11. As I digested the fact of his death, I wondered why it is me still living and not him. Am I worthy of living? Why he is dead and I am alive? I wanted him to be...

It’s been a while since I made the last entry to my blog. Blog was my life at some point in the past and I really love writing. Writing brings me to the space of freedom and hope, giving reflections to life and focus me to feel the essence of my being. Sometime, it’s just a one way to express unexpressed aspect of my inner world, other time it’s just a creative force just flow through me. When I was in Japan and speaking in Japanese, language was my strength, express subtle feelings and sometime hides true feelings in the words too. In English, I had to learn other way to express myself. I am still learning. After living in English speaking country for nearly half of my life now, I finally started to feel that I can express and communicate in this language in the way that I used to feel in doing the same in my native language. It’s been the long journey to get to here. I still feel struggle in explaining in English especially when I talk about my passion - Spirituality - . Spirit...

You are a seed. A seed of all the possibilities. It has all the knowledge to grow. where, when, and how you grow and live Use your thoughts to be the Sun for the seed Use your voice to be the moon for the plant Use your tears to be the rains for the roots you know what you are and how to be Keep rooting until you hold the ground really well between the rocks and stones in the rains and storms Fear not, you are just a seed and yet you are THE seed you know all about what you need to do It's all inside of you just waiting to grow

その時私は11歳。小学六年の11月。 長男である兄が、肺炎をこじらせ、入院していた。 兄は生まれつき体が不自由で、そのうえ不運にも療養していた施設で事故にあい全身が不自由になってしまっていた。毎冬、兄は肺炎で入院し、毎年次の年の桜が見られるかどうか分からなかった。 その日、両親の自営業が忙しく、どうしても母が付き添いにいけないからと、私一人、夕方タクシーで病院に向かった。 話を聞いて同情してくれたのか、無口なタクシーの運転手さんはおいしいチェルシーの飴を3つもくれた。 あめを大事にポケットにいれ、病室に向かうと、苦しそうに熱にうなだれた兄の声が廊下に聞こえてくる。兄は熱で朦朧としてはいたが、時々私を見ては、助けてほしいと言わんばかりに辛そうな視線を向けていた。兄は言葉が話せなかったが、私には兄の思っていることはいつも分かっていたと思う。 その夜は、兄の熱にうなだれた声のすごさに、兄が今にでも死んでしまうのではないかと思い、一人でベッドの傍にいるのが怖くて仕方がなかった。私にできるのは額のタオルを時々交換し、点滴が終わったと看護婦さんに言うくらい。小学生の私には、自分の無知と無力さが途方もなく恐ろしいことのように思えた。私が一人で看取ってはいけないような気がした。 午後9時になり、公衆電話で自宅に電話をする。まだ来られないのか？兄ちゃんが死にそうだ。怖いから早くきて、と母につぶやく。 それからどれくらいたったのか覚えていないが、母は消灯を過ぎた病棟に、私の大好きな鍋焼きうどんを買って来てくれた。静かになった薄暗い病棟で鍋焼きうどんを作り、私は母とともに黙々とその温かいうどんを食べた。兄のことが心配で、大好きなはずのうどんがなかなかのどを通らなかったのを覚えている。 死にかけている自分の息子のそばに一番いたいのは母だっただろうと思う。そんなときにまで仕事をしなくてはならない状況とは、私には想像もつかないが、家族が生活をしていくには働かざるを得なかったのだろう。 その数日後、兄は危篤となり、父が小学校へ私を迎えにきて病院へ向かった。 母が、私は将来看護婦になりたいと思っているからとスタッフにお願いし、皆が病室を出る中、私だけ病室にとどまり処置をずっと見守らせてもらった。兄は、挿管時の麻酔をしたきり、二度と意識を戻すことはなかった。心電...

I didn't know until I start thinking why I love things or people in the way I love. I love rainbows, mornings, singing birds, blue sky, the sea, water, dolphins, butterflies, feathers, stones, shells, beaches, trees, sun shine and grass. Kind words, smiles, laughs, and warm heart. Everything I feel attraction, I don't know why but I love them so much. Love is intangible feelings that can't "see" clearly and directly. Most of time we don't know why you love in the certain way. My theory is that you love them because you see your reflection in them . You can see rainbows beautiful because you want to be as colourful and beautiful as a rainbow so that you can make other people happy to see your rainbow. You love the sea because you want to be as strong and calm like the ocean. You love the Sun as you need the Sun for you to shine and enlighten others. "Who you like to be" or "what you like about things" is a reflection of yourself, ref...

It's time of new season. Time of the cherry blossoms. I love this time of year. Somehow make me feel so warm and full of hope.   Picture ｆrom: http://shinshu.fm/MHz/82.40/archives/0000101915.html

I don't know where to start. I've just been to new work today. I am starting new career as a massage therapist. I am so excited but it hasn't sink into myself. It's been nearly two month since my dearest friend passed away from aggressive liver cancer on 27/7/09. We studied together hoping we both become good therapists and give comfort to many many people who need support. She became a lovely and professional aroma therapist. She was a mother. She was a woman with wisdom. She opened her big heart to everyone with big sweet smile. She never be judgmental. She always looked into my eyes and said "how are you?" and care for me. She shows me a courage and strength. She never forgot her sense of humor. She loved me to teach me how to love myself. I miss her so much. I miss her healing smile. She didn't need to use anything to heal people but her present. She still give me a comfort everyday. Before it's too late, if you love someone dearly, let's no...

One of Main practical exams for my remedial massage course has just finished today. I was so nervous despite the fact that I practiced a fair amount beforehand. It's always scary to have exams, especially if it's assessed and watched by teacher. I guess that's the most scary bit. My English usually goes funny, grammar is wrong, forget easy nouns, my mouth does not respond very well. However, great thing about our human ability is the memory of movement. My hands and body remembered what I studied and practiced. I was absolutely nervous but I trusted my body's capability rather than my feeling of fear to the exam. And indeed, my body did a good job. Few month ago, one of our teachers from the college introduced us a learning method which helped me to gain self confidence. Since the experience, my perspective towards myself has been changing. I am not perfect but I feel I am getting there, little by little, to what I want to be. Two months to finish the course, I wa...

Isn't it difficult to get the balance right? And yet you can easily tell when you have good balance inside yourself. That's I am working on. May take a while but I started to feel the good balance. How strange it is that your body "feel" what's right for you or not. Sometime intellect can not explain or logically tell right or wrong but your body can. I am reading an interesting book called "Focusing" by Eugene T. Gendlin , Ph .D. He is talking about the "body sense" that we can't explain with brain by itself. It took too much time to finish reading, and the book is overdue and have to return to library , but I can't stop because it is so interesting. By the way, I started learning flamenco dancing from last month. It's such a passionate dancing and movement is so sexy. I can forget any daily concerns and worries when I practice, just thinking about the steps and music. At the lessen in every week, we have a live guitarist and a te...

D o it how your heart tells you U nknown is the door to the courage N ever give up for what you can be C onfidence comes with experience, so A nother year of life N ever give up for what you want to be

I had been quite healthy for long time until recently fell in sick. I felt so weak physically and mentally. I think that what sickness can do. I was fighting with my thoughts that I shouldn't be that negative minded when I am sick. I felt quite nuisance and feeling like I was losing everything what I was building up to make myself better physically and spiritually. My friend taught me that having the negative thoughts is not always a bad thing. It is a opportunity to release some part of unconscious bit which is usually suppressed in daily life. By seeing opposite side of yourself under challenging situation, you learn more about yourself and life itself. I was saved by hearing that. Now I feel I stepped up a bit after being sick. Being weak is a process of being strong. It was just what I needed to learn.

When we were school kids, teachers made us recite some famous poems. One of those poems which still remain in my mind is " Ame ni mo makezu " by Kenji Miyazawa. I remember the poem especially when winter winds blow against me. I wish there is no lost in English translation as it is very simple and yet dynamic and powerful. I like this philosophical poem that I want to follow and I don't want to forget. There are several versions of translation for this poem, but I think the "Stand up to the rain" is more like the original. 「雨にもまけず」　　宮沢賢治　　　　　　　　　 雨にもまけず　風にもまけず 雪にも夏の暑さにもまけぬ　丈夫なからだをもち 慾はなく　決して瞋らず　いつもしずかにわらっている　　 一日に玄米四合と　味噌と少しの野菜をたべ　　 あらゆることを　じぶんをかんじょうに入れずに　　 よくみききし わかり　そして わすれず　　 野原の松の林の蔭の　小さな萱ぶきの小屋にいて　　 東に病氣のこどもあれば　　行って看病してやり　　 西につかれた母あれば　　行ってその稻の束を負い 南に死にそうな人あれば　行って こわがらなくてもいいといい 北にけんかや そしょうがあれば　つまらないから やめろといい ひでりのときは なみだをながし　さむさのなつは おろおろ あるき みんなに でくのぼうとよばれ　ほめられもせず　くにもされず そういうものに　わたしはなりたい

It was a first day to give massages at the student massage clinic today. 5 of us out of 21 from our massage class had debut at the clinic. We were all nervous indeed. We had to give 1 hour massage to each 3-4 clients. Check client record, and plan the treatment, give massage, evaluation, and give recommendation like instruct stretch at home etc. How excited it was to work as a therapist and also work with classmates as a team. We had to take turns to be an assistant called a runner. Runner does not give massages for the hour instead, she had to assist all other students to change linens on massage table, prepare for next clients, filing and doing paper works. I was lucky to have excellent classmates both as therapists and as team mates today. We all cheered each other, helped each other. We all are committed and enthusiastic about giving massage. It was fantastic feeling I had at the end of the clinic. I am so lucky to have such nice people studying at the same time. I learn a lot ...

You can't tell who they really are from how they look or what they do, can you? People tend to judge others by their look and attitude. It's because really easy to see by eyes or hear. It's so visible and obvious. Attitude or saying in words could reflect what people think, but how many people are really doing how they want to do or what they think they wish to do. I am interested in how people really think. What would happen if all human-beings started to act honestly for themselves. Maybe it is the different from animal and human. Human have a capacity to lie themselves or hide true thoughts and act for other's benefit. Thinking that other's benefit is your gain, which, in other word, is LOVE. Maybe that the start of the development of community. Keeping harmony is the priority within the community. In American Indian culture, they don't have any law, in fact, it is not necessary. Having a strong tie in the community, it is fearful for individuals to lose t...