That's the WAY!!

In the world of madness What do you see? When the day is dark  And the night is long Hope is fading and crying blood Belief is no longer the truth Trust is no longer the reality What's left within Is the light of your own What do you want to be Who do you want to be How do you want to live How do you want to die Choice is yours Choice is mine Live the life you want to live Be the one you want to be In the world of madness Where you find the truth? Comfort in routine Numbness in news Where's the laughter in the air Warmth of the Sun Sky paints blue in the green Sea breeze in the wind of gold Heart is full and moon is new Cresent in the void of truth Expansive light in blues Forever lit the desire of fruits Things that are true and just Coming back and going out Clear and vague in absolute Fade and made forever

I work as a massage therapist. I love what I do. I feel humbled by seeing how clients transformed over the year.  What I did was just seeing them once or twice a month, sometime every week giving massage treatments. And rest of the time, they worked on themselves to be better physically and psychologically. Everyone has power to change. What can I do to support them? What's the most I can do for them? Just reflecting who they are. What I see in them. I can reflect and let them see their strength to change for better, better posture, diet, life style that they want to have. Reflect and help them to see what they really want and what they can do about it. We can be locked in the world of own perception. I myself often caught in the world of my own. Not be able to believe what I can really do. What did I do differently this year? Personally, I kept meditating. I reflected. I opened up to others. I asked for help. I jumped into getting what I wanted. I got scared but pers...

When we do things from the state of mind "I Can", instantly something inside of us changes. It gives us more perspective and ideas to make things happen. How many "I can" can I  put into my words today? How can I make it happen? How can I get what I want today? It's so great to come back to work after few months of absence. There's so much to do, for my clients and for myself. How much openings I can bring to my clients today? What's the most I can do for others today? What's the most I can do to change my life for better today? It's exciting!!

worthiness Definition: noun 1.how suitable someone or something is 2.the quality of deserving respect or attention source: Cambridge Dictionary 1.The quality of being good enough; suitability   1.1 The quality of deserving attention or respect source: Oxford Dictionary When I am in crisis, question of worthiness always comes up in front of my existence. Am I worthy of existence? Am I worthy of keep existing? Am I ever be worthy of living? As long as I can remember, I have been feeling I have to earn to exist. I am not worthy of being this life. Therefore, at least, I want to make someone's life worthy, I want to make someone feel worthy of themselves. A part of that is my drama character, and another large part of that is because my brother passed away when he was 17 and I was 11. As I digested the fact of his death, I wondered why it is me still living and not him. Am I worthy of living? Why he is dead and I am alive? I wanted him to be...

It’s been a while since I made the last entry to my blog. Blog was my life at some point in the past and I really love writing. Writing brings me to the space of freedom and hope, giving reflections to life and focus me to feel the essence of my being. Sometime, it’s just a one way to express unexpressed aspect of my inner world, other time it’s just a creative force just flow through me. When I was in Japan and speaking in Japanese, language was my strength, express subtle feelings and sometime hides true feelings in the words too. In English, I had to learn other way to express myself. I am still learning. After living in English speaking country for nearly half of my life now, I finally started to feel that I can express and communicate in this language in the way that I used to feel in doing the same in my native language. It’s been the long journey to get to here. I still feel struggle in explaining in English especially when I talk about my passion - Spirituality - . Spirit...

You are a seed. A seed of all the possibilities. It has all the knowledge to grow. where, when, and how you grow and live Use your thoughts to be the Sun for the seed Use your voice to be the moon for the plant Use your tears to be the rains for the roots you know what you are and how to be Keep rooting until you hold the ground really well between the rocks and stones in the rains and storms Fear not, you are just a seed and yet you are THE seed you know all about what you need to do It's all inside of you just waiting to grow

その時私は11歳。小学六年の11月。 長男である兄が、肺炎をこじらせ、入院していた。 兄は生まれつき体が不自由で、そのうえ不運にも療養していた施設で事故にあい全身が不自由になってしまっていた。毎冬、兄は肺炎で入院し、毎年次の年の桜が見られるかどうか分からなかった。 その日、両親の自営業が忙しく、どうしても母が付き添いにいけないからと、私一人、夕方タクシーで病院に向かった。 話を聞いて同情してくれたのか、無口なタクシーの運転手さんはおいしいチェルシーの飴を3つもくれた。 あめを大事にポケットにいれ、病室に向かうと、苦しそうに熱にうなだれた兄の声が廊下に聞こえてくる。兄は熱で朦朧としてはいたが、時々私を見ては、助けてほしいと言わんばかりに辛そうな視線を向けていた。兄は言葉が話せなかったが、私には兄の思っていることはいつも分かっていたと思う。 その夜は、兄の熱にうなだれた声のすごさに、兄が今にでも死んでしまうのではないかと思い、一人でベッドの傍にいるのが怖くて仕方がなかった。私にできるのは額のタオルを時々交換し、点滴が終わったと看護婦さんに言うくらい。小学生の私には、自分の無知と無力さが途方もなく恐ろしいことのように思えた。私が一人で看取ってはいけないような気がした。 午後9時になり、公衆電話で自宅に電話をする。まだ来られないのか？兄ちゃんが死にそうだ。怖いから早くきて、と母につぶやく。 それからどれくらいたったのか覚えていないが、母は消灯を過ぎた病棟に、私の大好きな鍋焼きうどんを買って来てくれた。静かになった薄暗い病棟で鍋焼きうどんを作り、私は母とともに黙々とその温かいうどんを食べた。兄のことが心配で、大好きなはずのうどんがなかなかのどを通らなかったのを覚えている。 死にかけている自分の息子のそばに一番いたいのは母だっただろうと思う。そんなときにまで仕事をしなくてはならない状況とは、私には想像もつかないが、家族が生活をしていくには働かざるを得なかったのだろう。 その数日後、兄は危篤となり、父が小学校へ私を迎えにきて病院へ向かった。 母が、私は将来看護婦になりたいと思っているからとスタッフにお願いし、皆が病室を出る中、私だけ病室にとどまり処置をずっと見守らせてもらった。兄は、挿管時の麻酔をしたきり、二度と意識を戻すことはなかった。心電...