That's the WAY!!

You are a seed. A seed of all the possibilities. It has all the knowledge to grow. where, when, and how you grow and live Use your thoughts to be the Sun for the seed Use your voice to be the moon for the plant Use your tears to be the rains for the roots you know what you are and how to be Keep rooting until you hold the ground really well between the rocks and stones in the rains and storms Fear not, you are just a seed and yet you are THE seed you know all about what you need to do It's all inside of you just waiting to grow

その時私は11歳。小学六年の11月。 長男である兄が、肺炎をこじらせ、入院していた。 兄は生まれつき体が不自由で、そのうえ不運にも療養していた施設で事故にあい全身が不自由になってしまっていた。毎冬、兄は肺炎で入院し、毎年次の年の桜が見られるかどうか分からなかった。 その日、両親の自営業が忙しく、どうしても母が付き添いにいけないからと、私一人、夕方タクシーで病院に向かった。 話を聞いて同情してくれたのか、無口なタクシーの運転手さんはおいしいチェルシーの飴を3つもくれた。 あめを大事にポケットにいれ、病室に向かうと、苦しそうに熱にうなだれた兄の声が廊下に聞こえてくる。兄は熱で朦朧としてはいたが、時々私を見ては、助けてほしいと言わんばかりに辛そうな視線を向けていた。兄は言葉が話せなかったが、私には兄の思っていることはいつも分かっていたと思う。 その夜は、兄の熱にうなだれた声のすごさに、兄が今にでも死んでしまうのではないかと思い、一人でベッドの傍にいるのが怖くて仕方がなかった。私にできるのは額のタオルを時々交換し、点滴が終わったと看護婦さんに言うくらい。小学生の私には、自分の無知と無力さが途方もなく恐ろしいことのように思えた。私が一人で看取ってはいけないような気がした。 午後9時になり、公衆電話で自宅に電話をする。まだ来られないのか？兄ちゃんが死にそうだ。怖いから早くきて、と母につぶやく。 それからどれくらいたったのか覚えていないが、母は消灯を過ぎた病棟に、私の大好きな鍋焼きうどんを買って来てくれた。静かになった薄暗い病棟で鍋焼きうどんを作り、私は母とともに黙々とその温かいうどんを食べた。兄のことが心配で、大好きなはずのうどんがなかなかのどを通らなかったのを覚えている。 死にかけている自分の息子のそばに一番いたいのは母だっただろうと思う。そんなときにまで仕事をしなくてはならない状況とは、私には想像もつかないが、家族が生活をしていくには働かざるを得なかったのだろう。 その数日後、兄は危篤となり、父が小学校へ私を迎えにきて病院へ向かった。 母が、私は将来看護婦になりたいと思っているからとスタッフにお願いし、皆が病室を出る中、私だけ病室にとどまり処置をずっと見守らせてもらった。兄は、挿管時の麻酔をしたきり、二度と意識を戻すことはなかった。心電...

I didn't know until I start thinking why I love things or people in the way I love. I love rainbows, mornings, singing birds, blue sky, the sea, water, dolphins, butterflies, feathers, stones, shells, beaches, trees, sun shine and grass. Kind words, smiles, laughs, and warm heart. Everything I feel attraction, I don't know why but I love them so much. Love is intangible feelings that can't "see" clearly and directly. Most of time we don't know why you love in the certain way. My theory is that you love them because you see your reflection in them . You can see rainbows beautiful because you want to be as colourful and beautiful as a rainbow so that you can make other people happy to see your rainbow. You love the sea because you want to be as strong and calm like the ocean. You love the Sun as you need the Sun for you to shine and enlighten others. "Who you like to be" or "what you like about things" is a reflection of yourself, ref...

It's time of new season. Time of the cherry blossoms. I love this time of year. Somehow make me feel so warm and full of hope.   Picture ｆrom: http://shinshu.fm/MHz/82.40/archives/0000101915.html

I don't know where to start. I've just been to new work today. I am starting new career as a massage therapist. I am so excited but it hasn't sink into myself. It's been nearly two month since my dearest friend passed away from aggressive liver cancer on 27/7/09. We studied together hoping we both become good therapists and give comfort to many many people who need support. She became a lovely and professional aroma therapist. She was a mother. She was a woman with wisdom. She opened her big heart to everyone with big sweet smile. She never be judgmental. She always looked into my eyes and said "how are you?" and care for me. She shows me a courage and strength. She never forgot her sense of humor. She loved me to teach me how to love myself. I miss her so much. I miss her healing smile. She didn't need to use anything to heal people but her present. She still give me a comfort everyday. Before it's too late, if you love someone dearly, let's no...

One of Main practical exams for my remedial massage course has just finished today. I was so nervous despite the fact that I practiced a fair amount beforehand. It's always scary to have exams, especially if it's assessed and watched by teacher. I guess that's the most scary bit. My English usually goes funny, grammar is wrong, forget easy nouns, my mouth does not respond very well. However, great thing about our human ability is the memory of movement. My hands and body remembered what I studied and practiced. I was absolutely nervous but I trusted my body's capability rather than my feeling of fear to the exam. And indeed, my body did a good job. Few month ago, one of our teachers from the college introduced us a learning method which helped me to gain self confidence. Since the experience, my perspective towards myself has been changing. I am not perfect but I feel I am getting there, little by little, to what I want to be. Two months to finish the course, I wa...

Isn't it difficult to get the balance right? And yet you can easily tell when you have good balance inside yourself. That's I am working on. May take a while but I started to feel the good balance. How strange it is that your body "feel" what's right for you or not. Sometime intellect can not explain or logically tell right or wrong but your body can. I am reading an interesting book called "Focusing" by Eugene T. Gendlin , Ph .D. He is talking about the "body sense" that we can't explain with brain by itself. It took too much time to finish reading, and the book is overdue and have to return to library , but I can't stop because it is so interesting. By the way, I started learning flamenco dancing from last month. It's such a passionate dancing and movement is so sexy. I can forget any daily concerns and worries when I practice, just thinking about the steps and music. At the lessen in every week, we have a live guitarist and a te...